Weekend of ' I love you' and cheeseburgers

Olu ( better known as Lekan,read about him here, ) is back in the picture.Not necessarily because I let him back in, and not because I wanted/needed him back in. He was at this cookout I was at this past weekend. He called me ( yes, we still keep in contact, well just recently) and said he was coming there( from another state though) and this other guy that I started talking to texted me and told me he was going to be there as well. Ha, see me see trouble.

*note :this cookout was public  for a specific age group and it was thrown by Nigerians.So it wasnt like it was some random cookout that I happen to see mr. lekan at. I can't give out too many details otherwise someone else will find out exactly whos behind this computer!


*Fast forward to 5:30pm*


Me, my sister,brother,friend, her brother and my cousin get to the cookout. Lekan is calling me off the hook, and texting me even AFTER I  picked up his call before I left for the cookout and told him I would call him back.

Lekan was texting me as soon as I reached so we could meet up.
We went for a walk and he started pouring his heart out about how he wanted 'us' to work and how he wanted us to get married in 2/3 years time and that he was going propose real soon. O boy, come see love nwantinti. I didn't know what to make of all that he said. I had been trying to get over him, and here he was telling me he's missed me, and wanted to make things work out. In the middle of the conversation he said ' I love you'. He said it before but this time it was face to face which equals 'awkward moment'. He was being really affectionate which I really don't like ( in public that is) and calling me 'baby' which I don't like either ( yup, im not fit for a relationship) He basically took up all my time at the cookout, so I didn't really get to talk to other people apart from the times I would leave and talk to 'the guy' I've been talking to, and when I left Lekan was calling me telling me to come back to where he was sitting ( talk about possessive)....We left around 9:30 and I was off to go drop off my friend &sister at school. I'm really in a dilemma oh, I'm leaving for school next month and I don't want to be tied down to anyone. Living single is the name of my game!


Marriage is cool and everything but when I think of getting married, I get scared that I won't be 'free' to do as I please. I can't travel the world or do missionary work, I can't stay over family or friends houses for weeks at a time...there so many no-go areas when it comes to marriage. I don't know why he's now coming out and saying all of this. He says he'll fight off any other guy if theres any of them thats chasing me. I just laughed at that statement because there were about 2 or 3 other guys that were trying to talk to me at that cookout...thankfully none of them approached me while I was with him. I don't know why hes forcing the issue of   'boyfriend, girlfriend and marriage. I told him I wanted to date other people for 3-4 other years, and he said 'no, I want you for myself', I don't want any other guy with you ( as in sleeping with me, and I'm still a virgin) this made me laugh, because I can remember him saying that he didn't care whether or not I was one, and he wouldn't have minded if I was one of those girls who slept around either & now he wants to marry me, who hasn't been touched. Guys are funny. I think I'll stay single thank you very much...

Dating=Sex?

Does dating have to involve sex? Its like everybody assumes if you have dated someone you are having sex with them, which is almost always true,but I mean can a relationship survive without it? Some couples go on about sex like its an essential ingredient in making the relationship work. As if is the glue that keeps the popsicle sticks on some kindergardener's project propped up.  I feel as though sex kills the relationship ( between a boyfriend/girlfriend). Sex doesn't really help either of the two people involved in a relationship, especially since the woman carries the burden of an 'accident' or 'slip up' during the act of sex. Shes the one that will carry a child for nine months or maybe she will get an abortion and have to go through the pain and guilt of ending an innocent life. She is also the one that is more at risk for STDS and emotional pain. It really makes me sad to see all these young girls my age and younger giving up their bodies like it does mean anything. It actually make it hard for girls who have respect for themselves and integrity, to be seen as a woman to be respected and cherished for the rest of  her life not some piece of trash to be discarded after a few hours of 'fun'. I don't even wonder about the females who stay with guys who treat them badly or break their head,neck and back day in and day out and still stay with their man. Oxytocin is the culprit. Oxytocin really pulls a fast one on couples and their so called 'relationship'. It truly is a 'love drug'. It clouds judgment, especially a woman's, making her blind to serious character flaws that her friends and family can see, but she cant seem to. Because oxytocin is so powerful, it bonds a couple together, creating closeness. Sex is a mask. It masks underlying problems in a relationship,so a couple can bond ( marriage) but outside of marriage it masks problems, and sex becomes the center of a the relationship.

Dudes get surprised when a girl tells them that shes a virgin. Most of their responses sound like " noooo, you cant be!" you are too pretty to be one....or "yea right so what do you do, 'yall masterbate n sht?"( which was really said by someone!) and you nko, are you as pure as the first blanket of snow? Sometimes I wonder oh, do females really have more self control or am I just being silly? Is it such a bad thing to remain 'pure'? or is it only a bad thing for a guy who feels as though his private parts will fall off if he doesn't have sex? If you cave and give in, you can get hurt and you can possibly lose your guy that is until hes done using you. And if you don't cave in, then you will  lose him anyway, and that means he really wasn't important anyway...

This is why lines like 'you mad cute' don't work on me. Those are superficial words, that are only meant to coerce me  into something that will very likely be regretted . If anything needs stimulating it is my mind, I want to be stimulated by good conversation and words that have meaning to them. A man with self control over not only his body but the words that come out of his mouth is what is impressive, not a man who's esteem is so low, he measures his self worth by how many partners hes had, and how they 'come back for more because he handles his business,even though hes not the best looking guy around'.

I'm not perfect. I am not a saint. I just like to screen out the bozos before they even get an inkling as to what the first letter of my name begins with.




*And let me add that women can be extremely conniving and manipulative as well as men. They use their 'feminine wiles' to get men to do what they want. They have a hidden agenda and will stop at nothing to get it fulfilled. They know exactly what they are doing when they rim their eyes with kohl, and smear on the mascara and lipstick. They are on the prowl looking for a man to seduce and 'trap' in her web. They can only use their breasts or behind to entice a man, thinking that what they show a man is what will keep him. Its true though what caught his attention is the only thing that will keep his attention. Nothing else, nothing more.  Many females use the same manipulative lines to get guys to things with them sexually, even after meeting the dude for like 5 hours. Females know the power of their sexuality, we know that if we give a guy a certain look or touch/move our bodies in a certain way, we can drive a man wild. Women like this are vixens, not only in their mannerisms but in the way they look. Any man unlucky enough to get caught up with this woman, hmmm na you know!! because she will manipulate the guy to no end until he's 'vexed to death ' (judges 16:15-17) in every way possible: spiritually,sexually,verbally, &emotionally.*

" Ive waited long enough, about a year, I think that says a lot about me. It says that I am a patient person"
-Anonymous, when told by his 'girlfriend' that if he couldn't wait then the relationship was over.

..and the men who have waited for marriage nko? lwkmd.





These are excerpts from the book "A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo" by Jackie Kendall.



As I read this section I found myself being reminded of so many Boaz's in my life who display these qualities! I'm so thankful for them!


They are out there single ladies! Let's not settle for Bozo's!






A Man Worth Waiting For (MWWF) has Noble Character






--He Loves in Action as Well as Words






--He Inspires Respect






--He Exhibits the "Three I's"


Identity in Christ


Integrity in Life


Initiative






--He Protects


Physical Protection


Emotional Protection


--Sad to say, Christian girls today don't expect to be treated with honor. They don't expect guys to be in awe of them. They're so in awe of the guys, they'll do whatever the guys want! A normal, proper attitude toward you as a young woman is one of respect and protection. Men should protect your honor and your purity. A Boaz does.


Where do you think Boaz goe his sensitivity training? Consider his background. He was raised by a mom who knew firsthand how men can take advantage of women! Did you know that Boaz's mom was Rahab the harlot? Boaz was raised by a woman with a colorful past, but her wise choices decided her future destiny. Rahab chose the God of Israel, she rescued Israel's spies (who later saved her life), and she raised a boy who became a principled protector of women (Josh 2). Rahab trained her son to understand: guys are here to protect, not exploit women.






--He Provides


--At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar." When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, "Even if she gathers among the sheaves, don't embarrass her. Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don't rebuke her." (Ruth 2:14-16)


After sharing lunch with her, Boaz even secretly arranged for greater provision! He was quite extravagant. As I previously noted, he went beyond what the Hebrew Law required for the needy. The Hebrew Law required only that Boaz give Ruth the leftovers of his harvest-but he gave from the harvest itself. Why does a woman settle for a man who is too self-absorbed to give her more than she needs? Why do women so willingly settle for crumbs? Why do so many bright, wonderful girls act like the needy teen I was in high school always paying for the privilege of being loved? Do women so want male attention that they are willing to pay for it rather than be the recipient of blessings initiated in secret, like Boaz's provision for Ruth?


When you're sorting through the Boazes from the Bozo's in your life, look at how a man gives. Does he give freely, generously, offer more than enough? Or does he cling to his wallet, dispersing funds reluctantly or morosely? A Boaz gladly provides.


A Bozo offers no security because he holds back financially and emotionally. A Boaz provides joyfully.






--He is a Persistent Pursuer


--Boaz approached Ruth first. He instigated their relationship. When she responded he was persistent in his pursuit. Such honorable pursuit and persistence stand in such contrast to the training that men today receive in relation to being a MWWF. From a young age, men are trained how to hide their feelings, how to win in a fistfight, how to hit a ball, how to shoot a gun, how to birdie on the sixteenth hole, and how to manipulate several remote controls simultaneously. Some men live a whole lifetime and never master the science of How to Handle a Woman. The Apostle Peter had a wife, and he knew from firsthand experience what he wrote about in 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, dwell with [your wives] according to knowledge". The word "knowledge" comes from a Greek word meaning "science". A woman is a science to be studied and discovered, but so few men are coached or mentored into loving women as they need to be loved. We see in Ephesians that Paul's great commandment to men is to love them as much as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Talk about sacrificial love!


A Bozo will love a woman in whatever way he feels is best-in whatever way serves him, not her. A Boaz will love a woman in a way that shows his feelings-and persistence in meeting a woman's needs is one way he does this.






--He is a Prepared Partner


--Boaz was attuned to the heart and needs of the woman in his life. A prepared partner is always willing to attend to another's needs. We've seen that Boaz was responsive to Ruth's vulnerability both emotionally and physically. A Boaz expresses and acts on his compassion for others. A Bozo, on the other hand, focuses on himself. He may briefly pity someone in his life, but he doesn't actually do much to help her.


Boaz was a student of Ruth's heart in that he quickly ascertained her needs, quickly promised to take care of them, and quickly did! He protected her from harm, he soothed her fears, and he completed the legal legwork to marry her--all in a very short time! A lesser man would have taken no notice of this foreigner, wouldn't have thought about her safety, would have refused the hassle of taking on Ruth and her mother-in-law, and would have left the women to fend for themselves.


A Boaz of a guy speaks and acts in ways that heal a wounded woman, treating her like a princess even if she doesn't see herself as one.






--He is a Fighter of Battles


--Boaz was an overcomer. He was never one to shrink away from a challenge or let others do the fighting for him. We see this in the fact that he is wealthy. He had fought business battles to become successful. Second, he was single. In a marriage-oriented culture that considered sons as riches, he could have married any young woman. But he chose to remain single until the right woman came along. He fought the battles of loneliness and cultural pressure.


You and I have a heavenly Father who has set the standard so high through the biblical precedent of Boaz that we don't have to settle for men who can't, by faith, conquer the city of the enemy--whether it is the enemy of sexual temptation, greed or entitlement.


The battles a man wins before marriage are a forecast of the victories he will achieve after marriage.


What a man conquers before he is even married becomes a frame for future victory. Don't settle for a man who is not fighting the good fight of faith. The skirmishes he faces as a single man are only preparing him for the major wars that are ahead. A Bozo runs from conflict and battle. A Boaz faces and conquers it.


Jesus died on the cross to conquer sin and death for the sake of his bride (those who are His followers). Don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to boldly conquer the enemy in order to win the privilege of sharing this journey on this earth with you.




On another note,I'm pretty much fed up with women making excuses for men .They have the audacity to complain about the dude. I mean what you see is what you get. You tolerate his nasty attitude then you are telling him its O.K. You are telling him 'yea go ahead and treat me like trash, I'm ok with it".

" All men are going to cheat"....haaaa! back to sender oh, its not my portion at all. I hear a lot of women making excuses for men: 'its their nature'...'they can't control themselves' and the list goes on.So you didnt know who you were marrying when you were doing love nwantinti all around your father's village during the kola nut and palm wine ceremony se? abeg, love gini?maybe the love really wasn't there. Maybe he was the next best thing since sliced bread and you 'settled' for him just for the sake of your family and his. I refuse to make excuses for any man. He's not a baby and I will not address or treat him as such. I only settle for God's best.

5 minutes in the sack won't do anything for me, it wont make me happy, it won't make me feel loved. It only makes me feel like another number..( or taking a number & waiting in line!), another chick, just another night/day.. And me, I'm not just another chick.
make una clear road oh,I be confammedd babe, waiting for a confammmed guy, a boaz and I'm on my way to becoming a Ruth.


have a wonderful week ahead.

I dont know why I blog...

I really dont know why I blog, especially since I have a journal/diary...but I need to write because I love writing err... i mean typing :)

Olu is really starting to get on my NERVES. I dont know what possessed me to start talking to him again. Hes not a bad person at all but my goodness hes just so hannoying!!! After all he did, he now turned around to say it was my fault, can you imagine? I started to realize that we are just not compatable. He feels its ok to have sex with a woman that hes not committed to ( marriage) and I dont ( not really trying to get into the whole premartial sex issue abeg). He just has the craziest justifications as to why its okay to sleep with girls for his own selfish lustful needs( although he didnt say its for selfish-lustful reasons). I refused to give in to his needs. I am not a car, I dont need to be taken for a test drive before the decision on whether I 'drive' well is made. I know Ive made some mistakes in the past and I'm wise enough now not to make the same ones. Olu really isnt helping me keep from making these mistakes I'm trying to avoid. Im tired of talking o, I'm just going to completely stop talking to him. I have better & more exciting things to look foreward to. I'm not cut out for relationships. Maybe I'll stay single, adopt children and travel around the world until I need botox and hip replacements ...

yours truly
td

hmmm...

Very random but im worried about my cousin o. He is 3 years old and OBSESSED with girls and their underwear, he even tries to look under my sisters towel after she comes out of the shower. I think this is the making of a pervert...ewww! I am thinking we should tell his mom, Idk if his mom will even believe that one oh...I'm not sure what to do...any advice?

ANYWAY what is everyone talking about sex and marriage for?The other week my auntie was giving my sister a lecture about it now that she is 21, can you imagine, @ 21 we are still wild, young and free jare, which 1 be marriage marriage... I dont really see my self getting married...Ok let me stop lying....i do but the prospects are lookin low....every guy now a days just wants slam bam thank you ma'am...nobody wants a girl with morals anymore jo. They want the girls who are willing to do anything then they say they want to marry a virgin afterwards... Guys who place a double standard on sex are the ones who I have already VOWED to stay away from.
Why is purity so emphasized for girls but with guys its almost a sin to be a virgin....i sure say guy virgins no dey dis earth again....


im ourra here,

TD