In between the two.

Sometimes I get stuck between the two cultures. I feel like if I act more American Im being disloyal to my naija side. I mean I love Nigeria, theres no other country I would rather come from. Ive never really been there, well I had my 1st bday there but I dont count that lol. But despite the problems in Nigeria, despite the negative aspects of Nigeria, I have love for Nigeria thru and thru. The Nigerian in me is the ogbono soup between my tongue. It is every fiber of my being, it manifests it self through everything that I do. There are so many things I love about being Nigerian; I love the food, I love the people, I love how we are the most educated immigrants in the U.S, I love how we stand out no matter where we are.

I call myself an 'American' because its simply my birthright...everything this side of me lacks, my Nigerian side makes up for it. The way I walk, talk and dress all stem from my 'American' upbringing, and I keep my Nigerian values close to me.

Sometimes I feel lost. Like a little fish in a big pond. I know my culture, I know where I come from, no doubt and not speaking my parents native language says otherwise. Its quite embarrasing. Its funny because I can remember my cousin ( who just came from Nigeria) saying that Nigerians born in America are 'fake' Nigerians; we dont know our language or culture and we havent been to Nigeria, thus we are sell outs. It made me laugh because this guy is already heavily assimilated to our culture, if thats what you would call it. When he first came, all he really wanted was "Mackdonoold" lmao, and he tried learning our 'slang' lmao. I wondered who the sell outs were. If we were fake Nigerians then he had to be a fake American...

If I were a Nigerian born and raised in Nigeria, I feel as though I wouldnt be struggling with this so much, because I would have no ties to America. I would see it as just another man's country, and I'm just living in it. I wonder if I would see America the same way. Would I be eager to get to the so called land of 'milk and honey'? Would I feel like coming to America was the only way to lead a happy,successful life? Would I be offended if someone called me a FOB? ( fresh off the boat, no vex na d equivilent of jjc!)

I'm just saying tho..

td

my obssession

right now I'm OBSESSED with lace front wigs. Maybe its because I have alopecia. Most cost $100 + I even saw some for $2,000-3,000. My insurance pays for most "cranial prosthesises" so thats one good thing about having alopecia, I guess. I like this Indian remy one from lovemylacewigs.com. If someone was to put it on, it would look quite obvious that she was wearing a lace front though ( the hairline is too straight)...its cute but not something I would get if I was ready to buy one but I still like it..

Im in like...

I met him on friday, yea friday...or was it thursday..? ( at a basketball game) Tall, chocolate,and handsome...hahah he definately passed my criteria in the looks department :) and his eyes were the color of honey, so pretty and bright.

He had been sitting behind me the whole time and I could see him stealing glances at me from the corner of my eye.He had on a grey fitted and he had a goatee ( it looked nice on him sha) he was looking good o! My cousin kept turning back talking to him and his friend, and at that point I was sort of confused because I didnt know my cousin knew him and his friend, I thought the guy was just one random . I couldnt wait till the game was over so proper introduction could take place *wink wink* ahahah. So after the game he 'greets' my mother and turns to me to shake my hand, he seemed to be shaking it for the longest time, and he started askin me questions like 'how tall are you?' blah blah. He told me he was yoruba and his family was in Nigeria', and that he was a sophomore at the school ( where the basketball game was). I was getting kinda shy so I kind of distanced myself from him and let my cousin talk to him, since they were friends I guess. I forgot his name though, it was one looonng yourba name sha, he repeated it several times but I couldnt pronounce it, and hes funny too ahh a perfect combination ;-) we stayed a little bit late almost 12 and me and my sister had to go, my cousin was sleeping over. I told him I would be visiting soon ( my bro goes to the same school) and that he should keep me entertained when I got there, I gave him a hug and his friend ( and i hate giving and receiving hugs o!) but this one was too fine oh, he deserved one, and I was definately enjoying the way he was holdin on to my waist :)...Im in like!!

what can I say? Im single and ready to mingle!!

SEXY IS...

I got this from Ekene Agabu from www.sexisr.com:

SEXY IS knowing that there is more to someone than just their body.

SEXY IS lending a helping hand to those in need.

SEXY IS being true to yourself

SEXY IS living life from within; knowing who you are and loving who you are

SEXY IS having SELF CONTROL.

SEXY IS doing right, when right doesn't seem popular.

SEXY IS looking in the mirror and appreciating what you see.

SEXY IS looking attractive but not cheap.

SEXY IS having a positive attitude no matter what.

SEXY IS rising about all restrictions placed on you by others.

SEXY IS knowing that the person you see in the mirror, can change the world.

SEXY IS wanting a woman for a lifetime and not just for the night

SEXY IS wholesome and wholesome IS SEXY.

SEXY IS being so good at what you do, they call you BAD

SEXY IS looking good, feeling good but most of all being good.

SEXY IS how you truly feel about you when no one is watching.

SEXY IS knowing that you do not need to have sex to feel sexy.

Lust list

island princess dress from french connection
jersey dress with ruching on the shoulders and side seams, sheer front section with embellishment over chest

I dont know why I blog...

I really dont know why I blog, especially since I have a journal/diary...but I need to write because I love writing err... i mean typing :)

Olu is really starting to get on my NERVES. I dont know what possessed me to start talking to him again. Hes not a bad person at all but my goodness hes just so hannoying!!! After all he did, he now turned around to say it was my fault, can you imagine? I started to realize that we are just not compatable. He feels its ok to have sex with a woman that hes not committed to ( marriage) and I dont ( not really trying to get into the whole premartial sex issue abeg). He just has the craziest justifications as to why its okay to sleep with girls for his own selfish lustful needs( although he didnt say its for selfish-lustful reasons). I refused to give in to his needs. I am not a car, I dont need to be taken for a test drive before the decision on whether I 'drive' well is made. I know Ive made some mistakes in the past and I'm wise enough now not to make the same ones. Olu really isnt helping me keep from making these mistakes I'm trying to avoid. Im tired of talking o, I'm just going to completely stop talking to him. I have better & more exciting things to look foreward to. I'm not cut out for relationships. Maybe I'll stay single, adopt children and travel around the world until I need botox and hip replacements ...

yours truly
td

Just some thoughts....

Halloween was fun, I got to take my cousins out...reminded me of my trick o treatin days...


So today we all went to church, feelin a lil sick from that candy, and I talked to my cousins who are coming over from Naija. very exciting....anyway.....


Olu emails me today saying he misses me, and we should just kiss and make up...I'm playing along but I have something up my sleeve...I'm gonna show him pepper!