Emotions got the best of me.

My emotions/feelings are out of control. I can't help it. I'm frustrated,depressed,angry and stressed..and I'm at my boiling point. Its Easter, and I'm in the library, 'studying' for a test, that I may possibly fail. My cousin and her boyfriend came over for dinner along with my other cousin and his stupid free loading friends, I'm in no mood to' sit and chat' , laugh and smile and pretend like everything is all good, so here I am, 'studying'. Its kinda funny how they  come running to aunties house for food, but didn't bother to check on her when she fell.
Sometimes I can't stand my family members. They only call or email/txt  when they need something, other than that most of them seemingly don't give a hoot.


 Hair  doesn't define a person, but if thats the case, why then, do I feel so ugly?
Why do I feel like I'm losing a battle here? Why do I feel so alone
Is my faith in God not enough? Is he testing me? Is this a punishment or a joke?
I'm afraid to sleep because of a mysterious force that holds me down when I try to get up. I can't move my body, and I can't move my mouth.

Yesterday, I cried. For the first time in a long time. To the point where my eyes were red and I got a headache.
Everyday, I watch the curly little hairs on my head, fall  to the ground. silent and nonchalant. I'm at square one again. I don't have a terminal illness, and for that I am grateful. I can only vent on here or in my journal.

I have an Anatomy exam tommorow. All I want to do is lay down and cry and forget about the exam.
But crying won't help anything. It won't bring my hair back. It wont help me on the exam either.



Y'know, throwing my hands in the air would be and could be much better. Because right now, I could care less. Left to me, I would cut off all communication with so called friends and family members...and on Easter Sunday of all days.

At least my little cousins don't call me 'baldy' anymore. At least my other cousins don't bother asking, which is better because I don't want to hear : 'its only hair', or 'it will grow back...

I'll put on a smiley face  for the coming weeks, just like I always do.
Just to get by.