Sometimes I can't stand my family members. They only call or email/txt when they need something, other than that most of them
Hair doesn't define a person, but if thats the case, why then, do I feel so ugly?
Why do I feel like I'm losing a battle here? Why do I feel so alone
Is my faith in God not enough? Is he testing me? Is this a punishment or a joke?
I'm afraid to sleep because of a mysterious force that holds me down when I try to get up. I can't move my body, and I can't move my mouth.
Yesterday, I cried. For the first time in a long time. To the point where my eyes were red and I got a headache.
Everyday, I watch the curly little hairs on my head, fall to the ground. silent and nonchalant. I'm at square one again. I don't have a terminal illness, and for that I am grateful. I can only vent on here or in my journal.
I have an Anatomy exam tommorow. All I want to do is lay down and cry and forget about the exam.
But crying won't help anything. It won't bring my hair back. It wont help me on the exam either.
Y'know, throwing my hands in the air would be and could be much better. Because right now, I could care less. Left to me, I would cut off all communication with so called friends and family members...and on Easter Sunday of all days.
At least my little cousins don't call me 'baldy' anymore. At least my other cousins don't bother asking, which is better because I don't want to hear : 'its only hair', or 'it will grow back...
I'll put on a smiley face for the coming weeks, just like I always do.
Just to get by.
Aww pele dia. Imvest in HUGE earrings, it looks nice when u have no hair. no pun intended. Thats what I did when I shaved my hair off.
ReplyDeleteLet that smile be on your face right now because you're not gonna lose the battle (but let the smile be GENUINE...trust God because He has great plans for you, even if you can't see them yet-->I remind myself of this all the time) :)
ReplyDeleteBTW, that not being able to get up because of a mysterious force has happened to me before...I once heard of a medical explanation, still I know there are battles fighting in spiritual places that we can't see.
Keep smiling :)
aww goodluck with ur exam tmrw
ReplyDeletei feel this way right now
am so confused
it felt gud reading u let it all out
anyway always rmbr that nothing lasts forever
xo
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ReplyDeleteGood luck on your exam honey....it is well with you, please try to stop crying and trust God...and like Fabulola said, i know its not the same cos you are losing your hair and its not by choice.....but either get some great big earrings plenty and or get many diff wigs and just do that and not think about it ok....i'm sure its hard, cant pretend i know what you going through, but please take care....
ReplyDeletei think you should try reaching out to others who have the same issue, or like cancer victims who have to shave their hair....it might help
ehugs.....muah
Sorry about your hair, try to take it in your stride OK? All the best in your exams.
ReplyDeleteAww sorry dear, just try and cheer up. All the best in your exams. *e-hugs*
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ReplyDeletethey r called hypnopompic hallucinations, its a bit scary not being able to move and sometimes hearing sounds. i will just say praying before going to sleep stopped mine completely.
ReplyDeleteIt seems as you're overly stressed. Try to find a little time during the day for yourself just to relax or meditate. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteAll the best in your exam...hate my hair too, even though it is not falling, the thing is as scanty as a fowl's yansh...Try big ear rings, its always nice with low cut
ReplyDeleteSorry about your hair..Don't want to say' it will grow back' you won't like that anyhow..
ReplyDeleteSo please take it easy..
It really hurts when your family and friends only need you when they want something.
Have the same problem so I get your drift.It sure hurts.
Take it easy.
awww sweetie, u sound so down:( i hope u feel better now and i hope ur test went well. *hug*
ReplyDeleteHey girl, you feeling any better? I'm praying for ya....May you be in health and prosper even as your soul does...
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree on the big earrings thing. :)
ReplyDeleteyou poor thing. Yes, its just hair, but its our hair and I understand how it can affect one's personal life.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with exams and find some sort of coping mechanism to deal with the stress of everything.
You'll be fine.
NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...
thanks everyone for your concern, i appreciate it greatly! the big earrings thing wont work though, i have a few hairs left, and im not comfortable without a wig or scarf just yet, but thanks for the suggestion lol.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, so sorry about your hair. and whatever it is bothering you. You will be fine in no time. Just chin up.
ReplyDeletehi...sometimes it feels as if there is no light at the end of the road...it could feel like nothing is working, family and friends don't just get it...call on GOD...you may not get a burning bush experience like Moses, or donkey-talking like Balaam...but I can assure you that HE'll get across to you. I've been there many times, but I always leave smiling once I fully trust and lay it all at HIS feet...GOD bless you...safe :)
ReplyDeleteSorry about your hair falling out. Yes, it's just hair, but for women, it's important because it's part of how we look. And as women, if we feel we look ugly then our self-confidence disappears. Do you take vitamins? And what is your diet like? I had a similar problem until someone advised me about vitamin supplements and eating vegetables, and for the last 3 years, my hair has not fallen out once, unlike previously when it would fall out all the time. Also, keep your hair natural for a while...sometimes the perming and the heat from dryers, curling irons, etc all contribute to the falling out. Also don't braid it as sometimes braiders pull out your hair. Just let it grow into a small afro. Comb it only when it is wet, and always use a conditioner. All this really helped me. Hope this helps you too. Chin up and I'm sure you aced your exam.
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