A Valentine's Day filled with regret.

73 % of the people who buy flowers/candy on Valentines day are men.
1 billion people will receive cards today &  

of those 1 billion teachers get the most, followed by children,mothers and wives.

first off: A big THANK YOU, to everyone who comments on my blog. I truly appreciate all the funny,insightful & truthful comments!!For those wondering about Azumi, yes he's a real person. I'm not in a relationship with him. I am being extremely cautious...still trying to figure out who he is. I know its not wise to let imagination and fantasy get the best of you but I thought it would be 'interesting' to write about him.

Its Valentine's day and to me its another Sunday. I'm here in my brothers dorm room watching that show 'cheaters' lmao its like a marathon or something. My brother's gf couldnt make it, and my brother left for PA  this morning for his game on Monday. I didn't get home till 3am this morning, we were with my brothers two goofy friends who kept us entertained throughout the night and morning. They took us to a bar/grille ( I dont drink but I wasnt trying to stay in my brothers dorm all night) called " Thirsty dog" lmao...maka gini?  I kuku got up and left, ah ah the place com fullll with oyinbo grls den like 10-15 black guys here and there, mostly athletes. Then the way everyone was dancing was on completely different level..like they were having convulsions or seizures...

I don't mean to be negative on the day of  love,but I got to thinking about some of the things I regret doing and let happen. I beat myself up about it just simply thinking about it. I don't know if it was because of  my brothers room mates all starting their Valentine's day early, with their 'girlfriends' or lady-friends and closing their doors & leaving the rest of us to our tainted imaginations. It just made me think that I never want to be 'that girl' going to a guy's place and shutting the door and being used  temporarily to feed some guys lust. It took me back to Leksai ( Olu), I mean I would go to his place, knowing in the back of my mind that it was wrong and knowing in the back of my mind that he wouldn't listen to me if I told him not to 'touch me' lest we went further than intended. Although we didn't have sex,  we were close to it.  I felt like a toy and after  the whole "relationship" I felt stupid. This what he told me the last time we talked when he said he had a confession to make: " when I was with her, I was thinking of you"...who says that? How can you have been thinking of me when you are blind with lust and your feeding your flesh? And after his 'confession' he said we were NOT together, but I can clearly remember him saying that we were way before this 'confession'.I don't know I just don't understand the way some guys are. The thing that gets me that most is he acts like nothing happened. He lies a lot and acts like hes not in the wrong. He can never admit to something being wrong whether it was him or his friends or something in general. He loved manipulating my feelings. I can remember one day where he was one the phone with a girl-friend. He said something like "Yea you have a big ass". He was obviously trying to get a reaction out of me, because when I got mad about it ( and I'm not a jealous person at all but for him to say something like that was wrong) he asked me "Why are you mad, was it because of what I said? " instead of initially saying sorry he says " thats the way I talk with my friends, even if they are girls". I said " So would you like it if I said ' oh you have such nice abs/biceps" to a male friend? He said no, or something to that effect.

I hate repeating things on here, but I felt I had to. It was on my mind and I felt I should write it down. Applications for the colleges I'm applying are fast approaching.I've been feeling down way before this  and the stress of school work/applications doesn't help. I don't like feeling like this.

Happy Valentine's Day.