Its like deja vu all over again.
exactly two years ago on my 18th birthday ( or I guess the morning after) I met this ghanian dude at a graduation party. He was really nothing special, he was short with dark skin and funny pointy ears that stuck out like car doors. Me being Nigerian must have caught his interest because he would not stop talking about the ' Nigerian girl out on the front porch'. He even told me that he used to live and work in Lagos ( the only Nigerian city that non-Nigerians seem to know) and how he loved it there. At 18, getting male attention was quite new to me and whether he was approaching me for sex or for a relationship was way beyond my thinking. I let him pressure me into doing things that I vowed never to do with a man other than my husband and although we did not have sex, I was left feeling extremely guilty.It was only after I stopped talking to him that I put two and two together and everything clicked like ' oooh ok, thats why he wanted to talk to me'...
At 20:
I met a Naija dude, more specifically igbo, at this party ( again on the morning after my birthday) and I still have some of the same tendencies of the past ( when I was 18) because I was totally unaware of the fact that this guy was staring at me the whole time, and trying to get me to dance. I will admit though, he had a presence that caught my attention but I had met him a few months ago at a movie premiere but I have a feeling that he didn't know who I was, so I left it alone. We were on the back porch and he began telling me how beautiful I was and how he wants to show me what he can do in the bedroom ( ermm ok..) I didnt second guess myself this time because he was honest and straight forward atleast I didnt have to wonder why he was really talking to me. This man was approaching me simply to 'sample' my body and move on to the next one. if this had happened only two years ago, I probably would have been too naive to know what this dude really wanted. Its funny how in a space of just two years we grow and learn what to do and what not do, life experiences really do help us become wiser and avoid the same mistakes, thus the difference between 18 & 20 is clear!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
another year
I'm another year older today and honestly another year added to my life is truly PRICELESS. I really thank God, especially since our family friends' son lost his life last week ( he drowned) I havent done much today though except go to church with my aunt ( whos here frm naija) and get a pedi/mani. People who I thought really cared havent said 'Happy Birthday' but it wont stop me from enjoying my birthday
Have a wonderful week ahead everyone!! I promise to blog more often!
Have a wonderful week ahead everyone!! I promise to blog more often!
Friday, June 11, 2010
an Unexpected blessing
Blessings truly come in many forms and when we least expect it. Up until now I wasn't even thinking about schools or what was going to happen when fall came around....I just had the 'what will be, will be attitude'... I am blessed to even have the opportunity to go to school and become what I want in life.
I just got accepted to the school I visited when I was in D.C ( more details later) I had to check my email over again to see if I was reading it right. I'm excited but I want to tell everyone when the letter comes in the mail. The only thing thats been on my mind is paying for it, the school is 52k! almost all the schools in D.C are around that amount ( the 40-50k range). It has me worried, but I've already experienced what worrying can do to me, so I'm going to relax and let Him take control. My mom thinks we should celebrate, but I'm more low-key about the whole thing. I guess I'm another step closer to achieving my JD/MPH!
I just got accepted to the school I visited when I was in D.C ( more details later) I had to check my email over again to see if I was reading it right. I'm excited but I want to tell everyone when the letter comes in the mail. The only thing thats been on my mind is paying for it, the school is 52k! almost all the schools in D.C are around that amount ( the 40-50k range). It has me worried, but I've already experienced what worrying can do to me, so I'm going to relax and let Him take control. My mom thinks we should celebrate, but I'm more low-key about the whole thing. I guess I'm another step closer to achieving my JD/MPH!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Lets play catch up
I know I haven't posted since last month, I guess I've lost my enthusiasm for blogging ( and I've been busy)
I'll just quickly ( I hope) update since my last post.
Mothers day: We had planned to take my mom for dinner or lunch, it didn't work out sowe my aunt made jellof rice, salad and meat pie. We headed to the mall to get my mom that Pandora bracelet that everyyyyone is talking about. We got my aunt a perfume set.
The day after: My aunt found out her brother in law was killed on the border of Switzerland and Italy. He was going shopping. He lived in Germany. He had his 'papers' but someone stole the bag where he put them in. He proceeded to cross the border and the Switzerland police strangled him, and threw him in jail. He died a day later ( this all happened around the end of last month) and they called his family telling them if the body wasn't claimed they were going to burn it. Can you imagine that? Y'know sometimes its not even worth it; going to or living in another mans country only to be treated in such a way.Its been said that at that particular border, MANY Africans have been killed.
Exams finally came and went. I'm relieved beyond words.
Me and my mother took a road trip to D.C. last week ( I love road trips!!) I went to visit a school over there. It wasn't my first time there but it was nice to drive there with my mom and just laugh and talk about stupid irrelevant things.
My cousin from Lagos just arrived ( yesterday) He's funny, and his laugh is infectious. Hes suppose to stay for two weeks or maybe longer. I'm excited that he's here, there really isn't anything like family.
10 things I don't understand
1. Why do people who work so hard in this country get the short end of the stick? They work hard and get no benefits, meanwhile the teenager who collects welfare, gets everything; a house, and her kids get into all the school programs.
2. why people are so greedy.
3. why people think America is heaven
4.why people call me an 'akata' because I was born here
5. Whysome colleges are such scammers
6.Why I have to pay for my ticket to go to Nigeria
7. Why my eyelashes,eyebrows AND my pubic hair have fallen out
8. Why I don't have a job for the summer
9. Why is getting the simplest of jobs so hard?
10.Why every black male in the good ol US of A aspire to become the next drake, or Kobe Bryant.
My Birthday is almost here. In approximately 13 DAYS!!! I'm sort of happy that I will no longer be a teenager, but its all sort of bittersweet. Here are my teenage years in a nutshell:
13-14- I went through an extremely awkward stage. I had pimples like mountains, my nose was too large for my face ( thanks dad!) but it got much better now :) I was also very shy and I kept to myself. When I was this age, things like carrying a purse or going to the movies with a guy was a big deal. Cell phones really weren't a big thing either...this was my 'I don't have a clue' stage.
15-16- I chopped my hair off and dyed it a reddish color. I styled it into a mohawk. This was my rebellious stage. I was depressed and I was crying out for help. My parents didn't really pay attention because their marriage was going down the drain. I was really at my breaking point. I wanted to slit my wrists and basically just 'off' myself. At 16, the summer before my junior year of high school, I began to loose my hair and everything went down hill from there. I was out of it.
17-18- I started wearing wigs, although I was still depressed about it. My parents finally got that divorce that we ( my siblings) were begging my mom to get. This was basically my 'growing' up stage. I started getting better looking and taking better care of myself, I was like a bride in the bridal chamber or something, getting ready and preparing for my 'unveiling' or the big ' reveal' after a make- over show . I started getting more attention from guys and I didn't know how to handle it. Despite all this, deep down I was still depressed. I think I was depressed all through out high school actually. I hid behind my wigs, eyeliner and my crazy jokes. When it came time to apply to college, I was screwed big time. My grades were very good, except for my math, and that messed me up. I applied to most of the schools I wanted to go to very late, and most of them told me ' we have exceeded the amount of students'...and blah blah blah....I went to a school in Florida and my depression got even worse. I stayed in my room most of the time, didn't try to make new friends and I was losing more hair, more eyebrow hair and what not. I wasn't homesick, I was sad/mad/depressed at the whole situation. My faith in God was nonexistent at this point, I was trying to find faith in Him, but I didn't know where to start from, and all the times my mother would call me from school and pray with me on the phone were to me at the time, a waste of my time and her breath.
19- I found out a lot about myself and other people at this stage. This is/was/still is my 'final product stage' and my rebellious stage and 'I'm- not-sure-of-myself-stage all mixed into one. I feel like I'm going through puberty all over again, you know that period where you hate everything about yourself and you wish you could change this or that? Yea that's how I feel. I can't explain it. But I've learned SOOO much about everything. I learned about love/relationships, I learned about God, and how to serve him better, I learned about different cultures/ music ( especially Nigeria's) I learned about different career choices and so many other interesting things. This ride they call ' teenage hood' has been quite a crazy one. I hope to take some of the things I've learned into my 20's, but I'll take most of those things and leave them where they are in my teenage years ;-) and so the count down to two-zero begins!!!
Have a good one
tb
I'll just quickly ( I hope) update since my last post.
Mothers day: We had planned to take my mom for dinner or lunch, it didn't work out so
The day after: My aunt found out her brother in law was killed on the border of Switzerland and Italy. He was going shopping. He lived in Germany. He had his 'papers' but someone stole the bag where he put them in. He proceeded to cross the border and the Switzerland police strangled him, and threw him in jail. He died a day later ( this all happened around the end of last month) and they called his family telling them if the body wasn't claimed they were going to burn it. Can you imagine that? Y'know sometimes its not even worth it; going to or living in another mans country only to be treated in such a way.Its been said that at that particular border, MANY Africans have been killed.
Exams finally came and went. I'm relieved beyond words.
Me and my mother took a road trip to D.C. last week ( I love road trips!!) I went to visit a school over there. It wasn't my first time there but it was nice to drive there with my mom and just laugh and talk about stupid irrelevant things.
My cousin from Lagos just arrived ( yesterday) He's funny, and his laugh is infectious. Hes suppose to stay for two weeks or maybe longer. I'm excited that he's here, there really isn't anything like family.
10 things I don't understand
1. Why do people who work so hard in this country get the short end of the stick? They work hard and get no benefits, meanwhile the teenager who collects welfare, gets everything; a house, and her kids get into all the school programs.
2. why people are so greedy.
3. why people think America is heaven
4.why people call me an 'akata' because I was born here
5. Why
6.Why I have to pay for my ticket to go to Nigeria
7. Why my eyelashes,eyebrows AND my pubic hair have fallen out
8. Why I don't have a job for the summer
9. Why is getting the simplest of jobs so hard?
10.Why every black male in the good ol US of A aspire to become the next drake, or Kobe Bryant.
My Birthday is almost here. In approximately 13 DAYS!!! I'm sort of happy that I will no longer be a teenager, but its all sort of bittersweet. Here are my teenage years in a nutshell:
13-14- I went through an extremely awkward stage. I had pimples like mountains, my nose was too large for my face ( thanks dad!) but it got much better now :) I was also very shy and I kept to myself. When I was this age, things like carrying a purse or going to the movies with a guy was a big deal. Cell phones really weren't a big thing either...this was my 'I don't have a clue' stage.
15-16- I chopped my hair off and dyed it a reddish color. I styled it into a mohawk. This was my rebellious stage. I was depressed and I was crying out for help. My parents didn't really pay attention because their marriage was going down the drain. I was really at my breaking point. I wanted to slit my wrists and basically just 'off' myself. At 16, the summer before my junior year of high school, I began to loose my hair and everything went down hill from there. I was out of it.
17-18- I started wearing wigs, although I was still depressed about it. My parents finally got that divorce that we ( my siblings) were begging my mom to get. This was basically my 'growing' up stage. I started getting better looking and taking better care of myself, I was like a bride in the bridal chamber or something, getting ready and preparing for my 'unveiling' or the big ' reveal' after a make- over show . I started getting more attention from guys and I didn't know how to handle it. Despite all this, deep down I was still depressed. I think I was depressed all through out high school actually. I hid behind my wigs, eyeliner and my crazy jokes. When it came time to apply to college, I was screwed big time. My grades were very good, except for my math, and that messed me up. I applied to most of the schools I wanted to go to very late, and most of them told me ' we have exceeded the amount of students'...and blah blah blah....I went to a school in Florida and my depression got even worse. I stayed in my room most of the time, didn't try to make new friends and I was losing more hair, more eyebrow hair and what not. I wasn't homesick, I was sad/mad/depressed at the whole situation. My faith in God was nonexistent at this point, I was trying to find faith in Him, but I didn't know where to start from, and all the times my mother would call me from school and pray with me on the phone were to me at the time, a waste of my time and her breath.
19- I found out a lot about myself and other people at this stage. This is/was/still is my 'final product stage' and my rebellious stage and 'I'm- not-sure-of-myself-stage all mixed into one. I feel like I'm going through puberty all over again, you know that period where you hate everything about yourself and you wish you could change this or that? Yea that's how I feel. I can't explain it. But I've learned SOOO much about everything. I learned about love/relationships, I learned about God, and how to serve him better, I learned about different cultures/ music ( especially Nigeria's) I learned about different career choices and so many other interesting things. This ride they call ' teenage hood' has been quite a crazy one. I hope to take some of the things I've learned into my 20's, but I'll take most of those things and leave them where they are in my teenage years ;-) and so the count down to two-zero begins!!!
Have a good one
tb
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