Vocal Slender

After watching parts 1/2 of  BBC's 'Welcome to Lagos' documentary, (yea I know im late- other countries can't watch the program) Eric Obuh aka 'Vocal Slender'( as did Joseph) really caught my attention. His ambition and determination really inspired me. Although he wasn't born with a silver spoon , hes still laughing  and smiling and he truly shows us what a little determination and persistance can do. In the midst of his struggle, he carries on, and in the western world, some people who make 6 figures and more, people who seemingly have it all , go home and put a .22 to their heads.

His single 'Owo Yapa' is now available on itunes.

check out his facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/Vocalslender?ref=ts

and his myspace
http://www.myspace.com/vocalslender





Also please check out this fabulous writer/blogger :
http://www.deepscribbler.blogspot.com/




I'm glad his dream has finally come true. Hope his story inspires many more people to truly chase after their dreams.

One beacon of inspiration has left us ( RIP Dagrin), and another is beginning his journey.

Dating=Sex?

Does dating have to involve sex? Its like everybody assumes if you have dated someone you are having sex with them, which is almost always true,but I mean can a relationship survive without it? Some couples go on about sex like its an essential ingredient in making the relationship work. As if is the glue that keeps the popsicle sticks on some kindergardener's project propped up.  I feel as though sex kills the relationship ( between a boyfriend/girlfriend). Sex doesn't really help either of the two people involved in a relationship, especially since the woman carries the burden of an 'accident' or 'slip up' during the act of sex. Shes the one that will carry a child for nine months or maybe she will get an abortion and have to go through the pain and guilt of ending an innocent life. She is also the one that is more at risk for STDS and emotional pain. It really makes me sad to see all these young girls my age and younger giving up their bodies like it does mean anything. It actually make it hard for girls who have respect for themselves and integrity, to be seen as a woman to be respected and cherished for the rest of  her life not some piece of trash to be discarded after a few hours of 'fun'. I don't even wonder about the females who stay with guys who treat them badly or break their head,neck and back day in and day out and still stay with their man. Oxytocin is the culprit. Oxytocin really pulls a fast one on couples and their so called 'relationship'. It truly is a 'love drug'. It clouds judgment, especially a woman's, making her blind to serious character flaws that her friends and family can see, but she cant seem to. Because oxytocin is so powerful, it bonds a couple together, creating closeness. Sex is a mask. It masks underlying problems in a relationship,so a couple can bond ( marriage) but outside of marriage it masks problems, and sex becomes the center of a the relationship.

Dudes get surprised when a girl tells them that shes a virgin. Most of their responses sound like " noooo, you cant be!" you are too pretty to be one....or "yea right so what do you do, 'yall masterbate n sht?"( which was really said by someone!) and you nko, are you as pure as the first blanket of snow? Sometimes I wonder oh, do females really have more self control or am I just being silly? Is it such a bad thing to remain 'pure'? or is it only a bad thing for a guy who feels as though his private parts will fall off if he doesn't have sex? If you cave and give in, you can get hurt and you can possibly lose your guy that is until hes done using you. And if you don't cave in, then you will  lose him anyway, and that means he really wasn't important anyway...

This is why lines like 'you mad cute' don't work on me. Those are superficial words, that are only meant to coerce me  into something that will very likely be regretted . If anything needs stimulating it is my mind, I want to be stimulated by good conversation and words that have meaning to them. A man with self control over not only his body but the words that come out of his mouth is what is impressive, not a man who's esteem is so low, he measures his self worth by how many partners hes had, and how they 'come back for more because he handles his business,even though hes not the best looking guy around'.

I'm not perfect. I am not a saint. I just like to screen out the bozos before they even get an inkling as to what the first letter of my name begins with.




*And let me add that women can be extremely conniving and manipulative as well as men. They use their 'feminine wiles' to get men to do what they want. They have a hidden agenda and will stop at nothing to get it fulfilled. They know exactly what they are doing when they rim their eyes with kohl, and smear on the mascara and lipstick. They are on the prowl looking for a man to seduce and 'trap' in her web. They can only use their breasts or behind to entice a man, thinking that what they show a man is what will keep him. Its true though what caught his attention is the only thing that will keep his attention. Nothing else, nothing more.  Many females use the same manipulative lines to get guys to things with them sexually, even after meeting the dude for like 5 hours. Females know the power of their sexuality, we know that if we give a guy a certain look or touch/move our bodies in a certain way, we can drive a man wild. Women like this are vixens, not only in their mannerisms but in the way they look. Any man unlucky enough to get caught up with this woman, hmmm na you know!! because she will manipulate the guy to no end until he's 'vexed to death ' (judges 16:15-17) in every way possible: spiritually,sexually,verbally, &emotionally.*

" Ive waited long enough, about a year, I think that says a lot about me. It says that I am a patient person"
-Anonymous, when told by his 'girlfriend' that if he couldn't wait then the relationship was over.

..and the men who have waited for marriage nko? lwkmd.





These are excerpts from the book "A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo" by Jackie Kendall.



As I read this section I found myself being reminded of so many Boaz's in my life who display these qualities! I'm so thankful for them!


They are out there single ladies! Let's not settle for Bozo's!






A Man Worth Waiting For (MWWF) has Noble Character






--He Loves in Action as Well as Words






--He Inspires Respect






--He Exhibits the "Three I's"


Identity in Christ


Integrity in Life


Initiative






--He Protects


Physical Protection


Emotional Protection


--Sad to say, Christian girls today don't expect to be treated with honor. They don't expect guys to be in awe of them. They're so in awe of the guys, they'll do whatever the guys want! A normal, proper attitude toward you as a young woman is one of respect and protection. Men should protect your honor and your purity. A Boaz does.


Where do you think Boaz goe his sensitivity training? Consider his background. He was raised by a mom who knew firsthand how men can take advantage of women! Did you know that Boaz's mom was Rahab the harlot? Boaz was raised by a woman with a colorful past, but her wise choices decided her future destiny. Rahab chose the God of Israel, she rescued Israel's spies (who later saved her life), and she raised a boy who became a principled protector of women (Josh 2). Rahab trained her son to understand: guys are here to protect, not exploit women.






--He Provides


--At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar." When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, "Even if she gathers among the sheaves, don't embarrass her. Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don't rebuke her." (Ruth 2:14-16)


After sharing lunch with her, Boaz even secretly arranged for greater provision! He was quite extravagant. As I previously noted, he went beyond what the Hebrew Law required for the needy. The Hebrew Law required only that Boaz give Ruth the leftovers of his harvest-but he gave from the harvest itself. Why does a woman settle for a man who is too self-absorbed to give her more than she needs? Why do women so willingly settle for crumbs? Why do so many bright, wonderful girls act like the needy teen I was in high school always paying for the privilege of being loved? Do women so want male attention that they are willing to pay for it rather than be the recipient of blessings initiated in secret, like Boaz's provision for Ruth?


When you're sorting through the Boazes from the Bozo's in your life, look at how a man gives. Does he give freely, generously, offer more than enough? Or does he cling to his wallet, dispersing funds reluctantly or morosely? A Boaz gladly provides.


A Bozo offers no security because he holds back financially and emotionally. A Boaz provides joyfully.






--He is a Persistent Pursuer


--Boaz approached Ruth first. He instigated their relationship. When she responded he was persistent in his pursuit. Such honorable pursuit and persistence stand in such contrast to the training that men today receive in relation to being a MWWF. From a young age, men are trained how to hide their feelings, how to win in a fistfight, how to hit a ball, how to shoot a gun, how to birdie on the sixteenth hole, and how to manipulate several remote controls simultaneously. Some men live a whole lifetime and never master the science of How to Handle a Woman. The Apostle Peter had a wife, and he knew from firsthand experience what he wrote about in 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, dwell with [your wives] according to knowledge". The word "knowledge" comes from a Greek word meaning "science". A woman is a science to be studied and discovered, but so few men are coached or mentored into loving women as they need to be loved. We see in Ephesians that Paul's great commandment to men is to love them as much as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Talk about sacrificial love!


A Bozo will love a woman in whatever way he feels is best-in whatever way serves him, not her. A Boaz will love a woman in a way that shows his feelings-and persistence in meeting a woman's needs is one way he does this.






--He is a Prepared Partner


--Boaz was attuned to the heart and needs of the woman in his life. A prepared partner is always willing to attend to another's needs. We've seen that Boaz was responsive to Ruth's vulnerability both emotionally and physically. A Boaz expresses and acts on his compassion for others. A Bozo, on the other hand, focuses on himself. He may briefly pity someone in his life, but he doesn't actually do much to help her.


Boaz was a student of Ruth's heart in that he quickly ascertained her needs, quickly promised to take care of them, and quickly did! He protected her from harm, he soothed her fears, and he completed the legal legwork to marry her--all in a very short time! A lesser man would have taken no notice of this foreigner, wouldn't have thought about her safety, would have refused the hassle of taking on Ruth and her mother-in-law, and would have left the women to fend for themselves.


A Boaz of a guy speaks and acts in ways that heal a wounded woman, treating her like a princess even if she doesn't see herself as one.






--He is a Fighter of Battles


--Boaz was an overcomer. He was never one to shrink away from a challenge or let others do the fighting for him. We see this in the fact that he is wealthy. He had fought business battles to become successful. Second, he was single. In a marriage-oriented culture that considered sons as riches, he could have married any young woman. But he chose to remain single until the right woman came along. He fought the battles of loneliness and cultural pressure.


You and I have a heavenly Father who has set the standard so high through the biblical precedent of Boaz that we don't have to settle for men who can't, by faith, conquer the city of the enemy--whether it is the enemy of sexual temptation, greed or entitlement.


The battles a man wins before marriage are a forecast of the victories he will achieve after marriage.


What a man conquers before he is even married becomes a frame for future victory. Don't settle for a man who is not fighting the good fight of faith. The skirmishes he faces as a single man are only preparing him for the major wars that are ahead. A Bozo runs from conflict and battle. A Boaz faces and conquers it.


Jesus died on the cross to conquer sin and death for the sake of his bride (those who are His followers). Don't settle for a guy who isn't willing to boldly conquer the enemy in order to win the privilege of sharing this journey on this earth with you.




On another note,I'm pretty much fed up with women making excuses for men .They have the audacity to complain about the dude. I mean what you see is what you get. You tolerate his nasty attitude then you are telling him its O.K. You are telling him 'yea go ahead and treat me like trash, I'm ok with it".

" All men are going to cheat"....haaaa! back to sender oh, its not my portion at all. I hear a lot of women making excuses for men: 'its their nature'...'they can't control themselves' and the list goes on.So you didnt know who you were marrying when you were doing love nwantinti all around your father's village during the kola nut and palm wine ceremony se? abeg, love gini?maybe the love really wasn't there. Maybe he was the next best thing since sliced bread and you 'settled' for him just for the sake of your family and his. I refuse to make excuses for any man. He's not a baby and I will not address or treat him as such. I only settle for God's best.

5 minutes in the sack won't do anything for me, it wont make me happy, it won't make me feel loved. It only makes me feel like another number..( or taking a number & waiting in line!), another chick, just another night/day.. And me, I'm not just another chick.
make una clear road oh,I be confammedd babe, waiting for a confammmed guy, a boaz and I'm on my way to becoming a Ruth.


have a wonderful week ahead.

Smoothie Shakedown & random thoughts....

A big THANK YOU to everyone, who commented on my last post, I feel much better, thanks to my dr, who wrote a presription for a 'cranial prosthesis, aka wig. This whole thing is really teaching me how to put more faith in God, and leave everything up to Him.

I'll hopefully be getting 2 wigs and hopefully my insurance covers 80-100% of the cost, these wigs are the highest quality on the market so they cost around $2,000...I'm a college student o! e no easy arrall!! Somebody( anon.) commented that eating better helps with hair loss, which I've researched before  and I'm trying to start on the right track as far as eating right goes. I'm starting this thing called the 'smoothie shake down. A smoothie, comprised of: berries ( or any other fruit), flaxseed oil and or flax seeds,8 ounces of water, fat flush body protein,ice cubes ( optional).  You have the smoothies for bfast/lunch then have lean protein and a salad for dinner and drink lots of water and take vitamins throughout the day. Many women were said to have lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Check it out:

Smoothie shakedown

 The semester is almost over, lets say in like 3 more weeks. now I can do like terry g and go 'everybody shout hallelujah'... Speaking of  a nigerian artist, bracket/timaya are in ny this weekend, and yours truly will be attending the 'concert'. But i think this will be my last, because I really dont like all these events where you have to pay so many 'fees', like worraheck, pay to get in, pay extra  at the door..and if u come late dat na  ur own passinal (personal) business because dem don slap  an extra $10  on ya head, then u must pay for coat check, shoe check,hat check...abegi d wahala is to mushhh... BUT if I can get out of the house just for a couple of hours, or even the whole weekend, then im gone. Im still deciding on whether to go or not,I can't make up my mind anymore these days....

I've been having knee pains lately, my brother thinks its tendonitis. He got it when he started growing. I'm 19, I haven't had a growth spurt despite the fact that I am 5'10. I don't think I am growing anymore. I am flat like a wall. Either I grow up or I grow out. If it was up to me I would rather grow out *wink*wink*. 

Some random thoughts:

June 21st

the first day of summer, and the day I turn twenty.

Work

I'll be working thru most of the summer time. Probably like 36( i wan die?) 30 hours a week.

Nigeria House

I should be taking a trip or two down there once again to get my Nigerian passport, the first time I went the guy needed proof as to whether my parents were from Nigeria,smh

10
is the number of schools, Ive applied to, still waiting to hear back from them.

$0.00

is all I have to my name :-/

Port-au-prince

was where I was suppose to go with a bunch of students from Pennstate, the trip was canceled.

natural

I'm going natural, not so much with my hair, since i havent got much but with what i put on my skin and in my body. I use black soap, straight from ghana, and coconut/jojoba oil on my scalp/skin.

vintage/online shopping

my new hobby despite my empty account :)

9 reasons why I love being Nigerian:

1. traditonal clothing, and every tribe adds their own thing to it, like the yorubas ( aso oke sp?,buba, wrapper, agbada )...or the igbos with isi egu ( worn by igbo men)

2. the food, everything from jellof rice, moi moi,pounded yam and egusi, rice and stew is enough reason to love being Nigerian. and every tribe makes a wonderful contribution :)

3. pidgin english, I know its not 'proper' or whatever but its fun to hear someone getting insulted in pidgin, I never really grew up speaking it but I speak it but not all the time, since i was born here, im not expected to even understand pigdin...its not even hard to understand & its very similar to patois some of the words in patois hv connections to the yoruba/igbo language as well, similarly some pidgin is connected to portuguese.

pigdin: pikin

patois: pikney

patois: boasie ( proud)

yoruba: bosi ( proud)

patois: unu

pidgin: una (igbo, meaning 'you people')

pidgin: sabi ( to know, yoruba)

Portuguese: saber ( to know)

4. How some of the men' toast' women

soooo entertaining lmao, thats all i gotta say about that!

5. Nigerian parties that end at 5am

these are the parties I used to like to go to, where they play mostly naija music,theres plenty food/drinks , and at the end of the night, we walk to the car, shoes in tow, along with several tek-away plates n drinks...

6. Parents

Nigerian parents are hilarious. They dont really mean to be but they are...when you get in trouble this mostly what is heard:

'my friend common do what I asked you!

'If I get up from this chair it wont be fun for you'

" i will kill you dis night'

'If not for God, I would have shown you pepe this night'

'If i break ya head, ehn?"

'stuuu-pid, boy, see ihn head like coco-nut'

'idjiot, god punish ya head'

'ahwaley' ah-wal-lay( may dog eat you)

7. Nigerian movies, sometimes these movies are a bit too much, as in they can be so embarrassing and so horrible, yet some plot lines are really good and some movies like mr, ibu,baby police,green snake, 2 rats,akin & paw paw,bafana bafana,& dedon and decapone ARE TOOOO funny, they have me rollin....

8.Shakara or Effizy. Its too much oh, Nigerians too like effizy oh, from buying a new benz with a navigation system to just the way some nigerians pronouce certain things in their so called yankee accent ( gimme a break lmao) effizy can be real discreet or real obvious, gotta love it though!!

9. 300+ tribes in Nigeria from Efik, to Bini, Yoruba, Igbo,Hausa,Urhobo, and Fulani. Each tribe has its own traditions that add to what Nigeria is all about, this is what makes Nigerian culture so incredibly rich.

 Everyone should enjoy their weekend!

Emotions got the best of me.

My emotions/feelings are out of control. I can't help it. I'm frustrated,depressed,angry and stressed..and I'm at my boiling point. Its Easter, and I'm in the library, 'studying' for a test, that I may possibly fail. My cousin and her boyfriend came over for dinner along with my other cousin and his stupid free loading friends, I'm in no mood to' sit and chat' , laugh and smile and pretend like everything is all good, so here I am, 'studying'. Its kinda funny how they  come running to aunties house for food, but didn't bother to check on her when she fell.
Sometimes I can't stand my family members. They only call or email/txt  when they need something, other than that most of them seemingly don't give a hoot.


 Hair  doesn't define a person, but if thats the case, why then, do I feel so ugly?
Why do I feel like I'm losing a battle here? Why do I feel so alone
Is my faith in God not enough? Is he testing me? Is this a punishment or a joke?
I'm afraid to sleep because of a mysterious force that holds me down when I try to get up. I can't move my body, and I can't move my mouth.

Yesterday, I cried. For the first time in a long time. To the point where my eyes were red and I got a headache.
Everyday, I watch the curly little hairs on my head, fall  to the ground. silent and nonchalant. I'm at square one again. I don't have a terminal illness, and for that I am grateful. I can only vent on here or in my journal.

I have an Anatomy exam tommorow. All I want to do is lay down and cry and forget about the exam.
But crying won't help anything. It won't bring my hair back. It wont help me on the exam either.



Y'know, throwing my hands in the air would be and could be much better. Because right now, I could care less. Left to me, I would cut off all communication with so called friends and family members...and on Easter Sunday of all days.

At least my little cousins don't call me 'baldy' anymore. At least my other cousins don't bother asking, which is better because I don't want to hear : 'its only hair', or 'it will grow back...

I'll put on a smiley face  for the coming weeks, just like I always do.
Just to get by.

Untitled-

My brother came home 2 weekends ago. It felt like its been ages since I last saw him. The car was full of laughter as usual, while Wande Coal's " Kiss your hand"  blasting and the three of us were shouting/singing along to it, almost sounding like a kid bop commerical lmao. Those moments are some of the best moments I have with my siblings, and  my dad  would say " enjoy the years you have with your siblings because a few years from now you'll only be getting a phone call or a visit once or twice a year". I kinda tear up at the thought now that I think about it; My brother could be in California or some warm state since he hates the cold, I could be in Belize or Nigeria or Paris or somewhere like that and my sister in New York. Knowing my brother, he would probably only call once or twice, most likely because he needs something or because hes injured him self and doesn't know what to put on the cut...I don't think he does this on purpose but hes painfuly quiet. You can ask him five questions and his response will be: uhuh, yea, no, ok. But once he starts with his pidgin? you can't get him to shut up. He's always adding 'oh' to the end of his sentences or 'ehen, you see it"? or starting his sentences with 'omo, or oga'. He's taught almost everyone on his team how to greet my dad in pidgin ( or anyone for that matter) and they all say " oga, how far" in which my father replies 'you are a mumu'...smh...his pidgin is improving though lol...his favorite Nigerian name to say ( for reasons unbeknownst to the rest of us) is tolulope...I guess he watches too many t-boy videos ( the don't jealous me dude)

My aunt took a nasty fall yesterday. She was going down stairs trying to turn off the dryer, and fell. Her clavicle popped out of its socket, and the EMTs/police/ firefighters came because she couldnt move. I felt bad, mostly because I or my sister should have been there to help her do whatever she needed to do, but we were at a car auction. She can never sit still. Shes either washing dishes or cooking or folding clothes and what not.




I've sent in all my applications for my schools except one, I'm hoping against hope, I get in and away from here.




My hair's been falling out like crazy. Its makes me depressed, but I can't cry. I'm all cried out. I'm used to the whole process: Fall out, grow back, fall out,grow back..its not like anyone actually cares especially not my family members except my mom & aunt, because afterall its just hair.The warm weather is back...and I'm not  looking foreward to the weather when it hits 80+....




America., has once again succeeded in making a Christian holiday, commericalized ( bunnies, eggs etc) kids didn't have school on Friday ( Good friday) because of a holiday most of them don't know the meaning of or even celebrate. Do they  assume everyone is a catholic/christian though? Why don't kids have no school on the hindu holidays? 


Happy Easter everyone.

Getting hit on by Old Nigerian men

I should start by saying NOT ALL old Nigerian men( "uncles") hit on young girls, anyhow let me proceed.

This has been on my mind for quite some time. I can't understand why old Nigerian men, I'm talking about the ones in their 40's 50's ( I am no where near those ages. thus they are to me, old men) would be trying to 'talk' to girls my age or younger? Don't they have daughters even nieces my age? What do they really get out of it?

Family friend's party:

old Man says : hey baby, is that a cell phone you talkin on or what?
reply: No its fingers  I'm using to talk,( mchewwwww idjiot)
old Man: hey beby gal, why u so rude, I just thought we could know each oda.

Another Family friend's party:

drunk "uncle":

Hey gal, you looking so good &sweet

Can I get ya nomba?

reply: ummm...uncle? its me damsel

"Uncle: Oh im so sorrey, you look so different, so grown

*awkward*

Its not as if these men don't know some of the girls they hit on, most of them are family friends!!! Some of them really push it and their wives are blind and or deaf to most of their husbands nasty little antics. They deny it because they know their husbands, they can't be that slow. I've found ( from watching so many Nigerian couples around my way) that Nigerian women like to shield or protect their husbands when they misbehave, almost like a child! They make excuse after excuse. Ok, lets say the hubby beat his wife. This is the wife's excuse : oh, he didnt mean it, ( even though he almost killed her) let me just hang in there for the children.

He cheated  ( she turns a blind eye) she says: As long as hes taking care of me & my kids...or as long as I don't find out about it or the usual one : LET ME JUST HANG IN THERE FOR THE KIDS....

Hubby molests the little girl down the street.

Wife says : Oh, he was just playing now, thats how we play in Nigeria( this was actually said by someone)...he was only kidding or he must have brushed up on her by an accident.

Oh please.

When are some Nigerian women going to stand up and say what is right? Do they have to let their husbands nearly kill them before getting out of the marriage or does he have to impregnant the 18 yr old down the street?? na wa o.

I know a couple around my way. 

The wife works like a slave. Morning-night-night-morning. You never see this lady at home. The husband  is unemployed AND he took her money, went to Nigeria, built a house ( and bought  a lexus that he sent over to naij) and keeps his other wife in it. Can you imagine that? I'm working here ( like a slave) in this country and another female is in Nigerian enjoying a house/car that she didnt work hard for??? Hahahah not in this life time lai lai, either I burn that house or I sell it. 


 Its not very surprising that many Nigerian girls ( my age and younger ) don't want to marry a Nigerian. With all the scandals thats going on, you really can't blame them. But we all should take heart. Not all Nigerian men are like that, I know that for a fact. 

However I don't know not one friend ( ok maybe one or two)or family friend whose father doesnt have some sort of secret child or children with  a black american or  non-Nigerian/african, or who hasnt cheated on their mothers.

Its really sad actually. I'm not saying that all Nigerian men cheat or that all men cheat , im only speaking ( typing) about what i've seen. I remember  when a woman ( in the nigerian community around my way) posted pics of her hubby and some lady naked in a hotel. 

She put him on blast, sending those pics to everyone she knew, there wasnt a man,woman or teenager who didn't see those pictures...some people talked about it for some weeks...

but a new piece of gossip had everyone talking: a man (  Nigerian) gave his wife full blown AIDS. Things like that just make me sad. I'm  not judging all these people, but then who are they to start talking about others when they arent saints either?




Despite all the sorry excuses for men, that ive come to know or maybe only heared about it, I want to get married. Getting married won't define me, but its something I know I want..and I would prefer to marry a Nigerian man,  ( not a boy) a man who's strong, has goals,self control and doesn't expect to be treated like a baby.

But I know I can't settle, because what you settle for is what you get...


Happy April fools day btw

I got fooled by a friend, all the way in Miami...smh!