Moral decay

Maybe it took me losing all my hair, and looking like a gorri mappa shine shine to notice how much the moral decay in our culture encourages people to put so much emphasis  on physical appearance,attributes, and sexual attraction . The pressure is especially mounting for women because to be an 'ugly' female (with a flat butt) in this society, its like your doomed.However if a female is not pretty and she has an overload behind her, she is bound to turn heads and collect numbers. If shes just 'ugly then you hear people saying ' awww, I feel bad for her, wonder if she'll ever get a husband?'  An ugly man can always get a beautiful woman on his arm no matter what. Why? Don't ask me, because I still don't understand that either. Being an ugly man is much better than being an ugly female apparently. Ever seen a female try to captivate a man with her personality? Nope. Instead she prances around in a tight jumpsuit showing off her assets. I just laugh at females like this because it is very sad. Its sad to know that the only thing she feels shes capable of using is her backside to attract men.She can't even  have an intelligent conversation, because the words in her vocabulary don't expand too far.  How you get a man is how you have to work to keep him. So if your using sex,money or your body then you must keep using  those things in order to keep your man. Another woman with more money,better sex and a better body will come along and there goes your man!! I know the pressure to look good  is much, I'm feeling it too, but I can't live in the gym to get a bigger butt, I can't give  sex or money all in the name of a man. Eventually my body will fall apart, and I won't even be able to have sex, or even work for the money, not even beauty can hold a relationship together because that will fade...so whats the point why use those things as a basis for a relationship?  It  seems like every girl wants a big butt yea its the new trend for summer &fall , but for what? to attract a man. But all he really wants to do is have sex and move on to another girl with an even bigger butt. Everyone just wants to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex, find a room ( or car) and get it on and move on.Makes us girls who are waiting on our prince's in shining armor to question the moral values of  most of these guys. I feel bad for guys more, especially with the way some girls dress. If I was a guy, I wouldn't want to get to know a female if I saw her breasts and butt displayed like a buffet. If shes showing off what she has, then she must want someone to touch it, no? But the funny thing with females is, they love to dress in a provocative way to turn heads (thats the whole point) and to them it doesnt matter if the head they are turning is of that of a married man or a man in a relationship.BUT when they are with their husbands or boyfriends and a girl is dressed provocatively they automatically HATE the girl and don't want their man to so much as look in her direction. O.k. if you don't want your man lusting after another girl, dress your body in a way that you are making anyone elses man lust after you either. I scratch your back, you scratch mine! So with that done and said

I pray that:

- I can look for clothes that flatter my shape, but don't make men lust
-my future hubby will be satisfied  with my love
-that he will reject and be disgusted by all the seductresses on the prowl.
-that young woman today realize that their personalities have the ability to attract a  worthy man of integrity
-that young men realize that a woman shouldn't be measured by her physical attributes



...ok #rantover

thank you to those who commented on my last,post I really appreciate it! ♥

I miss my hair. I miss my eyebrows and eyelashes. The heat is so irritating, it almost makes me hate summer and all that comes with it. I want to be totally happy again, but hair doesn't equal happiness or does it? When you go without something for so long, you realize how much you actually need it and want it badly. I saw my first grade teacher and she asked me if I was going for treatment. I don't have cancer.

I'm happy to say I will no longer be blogging about olu (lekan) hes a closed chapter in my life. On to better things, so no I won't settle.


I want to look normal for once, atleast if I do, its one less thing to worry about apart from classes,homework n projects. I have to slap a stupid itchy wig on, paint on eyebrows n put in eyelashes, like a drag queen.
So now I'm a depressed drag queen....

'Happier posts are sure to follow....but who really reads them anyway.

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A 'confammed 'babe

A confammmed babe:

1.is always confident in everything she does

2. is effortlessly chic

3. knows she deserves a good man, and doesn't settle for less.

4. embodies the term 'classy', not the counterfeit version.

5. Uses more than her body/face to command attention.

6. Knows her worth.

7. Grows spiritually every day

8.is  a vision of loveliness

Hello DC

I've decided on DC, really wish I  could have gone back to Miami.
Ill see how it goes and see if I like it. If I do, I'll stay, if not Miami it is.

Hopefully I can meet with bloggers in the DMV area, any blogger who lives out there could you please recommend:

a church
african market/store
best places to shop
a good hospital


I still haven't gotten a job, I only have a month left because classes start next month. I'll be shopping like crazy over the next few weeks though despite my financial drought. Ive already gotten my suitcase packed with a few things. I want to drive down there ( If I get a car) but thinking about the drive just makes me want to take the train.

thanks in advance.

btw, I need a way to let lekan know that it won't work out between us...any suggestions? I mean  hes already calling my mom his mother in-law...I'm not ready for that!

Weekend of ' I love you' and cheeseburgers

Olu ( better known as Lekan,read about him here, ) is back in the picture.Not necessarily because I let him back in, and not because I wanted/needed him back in. He was at this cookout I was at this past weekend. He called me ( yes, we still keep in contact, well just recently) and said he was coming there( from another state though) and this other guy that I started talking to texted me and told me he was going to be there as well. Ha, see me see trouble.

*note :this cookout was public  for a specific age group and it was thrown by Nigerians.So it wasnt like it was some random cookout that I happen to see mr. lekan at. I can't give out too many details otherwise someone else will find out exactly whos behind this computer!


*Fast forward to 5:30pm*


Me, my sister,brother,friend, her brother and my cousin get to the cookout. Lekan is calling me off the hook, and texting me even AFTER I  picked up his call before I left for the cookout and told him I would call him back.

Lekan was texting me as soon as I reached so we could meet up.
We went for a walk and he started pouring his heart out about how he wanted 'us' to work and how he wanted us to get married in 2/3 years time and that he was going propose real soon. O boy, come see love nwantinti. I didn't know what to make of all that he said. I had been trying to get over him, and here he was telling me he's missed me, and wanted to make things work out. In the middle of the conversation he said ' I love you'. He said it before but this time it was face to face which equals 'awkward moment'. He was being really affectionate which I really don't like ( in public that is) and calling me 'baby' which I don't like either ( yup, im not fit for a relationship) He basically took up all my time at the cookout, so I didn't really get to talk to other people apart from the times I would leave and talk to 'the guy' I've been talking to, and when I left Lekan was calling me telling me to come back to where he was sitting ( talk about possessive)....We left around 9:30 and I was off to go drop off my friend &sister at school. I'm really in a dilemma oh, I'm leaving for school next month and I don't want to be tied down to anyone. Living single is the name of my game!


Marriage is cool and everything but when I think of getting married, I get scared that I won't be 'free' to do as I please. I can't travel the world or do missionary work, I can't stay over family or friends houses for weeks at a time...there so many no-go areas when it comes to marriage. I don't know why he's now coming out and saying all of this. He says he'll fight off any other guy if theres any of them thats chasing me. I just laughed at that statement because there were about 2 or 3 other guys that were trying to talk to me at that cookout...thankfully none of them approached me while I was with him. I don't know why hes forcing the issue of   'boyfriend, girlfriend and marriage. I told him I wanted to date other people for 3-4 other years, and he said 'no, I want you for myself', I don't want any other guy with you ( as in sleeping with me, and I'm still a virgin) this made me laugh, because I can remember him saying that he didn't care whether or not I was one, and he wouldn't have minded if I was one of those girls who slept around either & now he wants to marry me, who hasn't been touched. Guys are funny. I think I'll stay single thank you very much...

Help please!

I need help making a decision.
 I got into American University & University of Miami.
I still havent chosen.
American is #84 and UM is #50, I dont really know if those numbers really mean much.
The deadline has already passed to pay the deposit.
I went to DC, and I loved it, it has a college town feel.
I was in Miami in 08 because I was in school there, and I liked it as well, especially the warm weather year round.

I don't know which to pick.
suggestions would be most helpful especially if anyone knows anything about these two schools!!