Wife privilages

This post is inspired mostly by a post I saw over at Linda Ikeji's blog. This woman who is set to wed in October of this year just found out that her wonderful fiance was cheating on her and has fathered a child. What got me was not only did he cheat, he got the lady pregnant and he didn't tell his fiance all this when she first got pregnant or better yet, he never told his fiance that he was still sleeping with his ex!! We all know that had it been her who was still sleeping with her ex or had gotten PREGNANT there would be no wedding in October, that one would have just been canceled like immediately!! Why do women tolerate cheating men but men don't do the same? and whats this thing about " all men will cheat?" that's just a SORRY excuse for staying in a dead end relationship. Sometimes people stick themselves in relationships that they have no business being in then expect God to bless it for them. The one thing that took me by surprise was the fact that she actually moved in with the guy and she only met him in 09(and engaged 2 years later), and to add to it he was the first person she has ever slept with( which is why its probably making it harder for her to move on and make her decision on what to do, I'd call off that wedding in a quickness, virginity or not. I know its easy to say when your not in that person's shoes but still, going through with the wedding is even more painful then calling it off) That's where things get tricky. Moving in or cohabiting or whatever, with a man is only setting us females for disaster. You move in with the man , you  SLEEP with him, COOK for him, CLEAN up after him, and even have his CHILDREN, and you expect commitment? you expect him to give you a ring? Lets be real here, if someone gave you something for free, would you go back and tell the person "oh hey let me pay for it?". ( I know I wouldn't lol) So the same here applies for relationships/cohabiting. If I were a man and you gave me 'wife priviledges' without me having to work for them without me having to court/date you then I wouldn't commit and ask you to marry me. Simple as that. Crissy from Hip Hop wives even admitted that she " made it too easy for Jim". She new from the jump that Jim probably wasn't interested in marriage but she sat there for 5-6 years and made herself believe that he would come around to the idea, and now she found herself proposing to her man, can you imagine? A woman kneeling down to ask a man if he will marry her? Any real man will not feel comfortable with a woman proposing marriage to him. Moral of both stories is : Don't give a man wife privileges until he  puts a ring on your finger and has made that vow before God and man.

Update :)

Hey everybody *waves nervously* so im back, finally. A lot has happened since I last blogged....haha let me try to remember...here we go....

Engaged: So yea I'm getting married. I got purposed to about last month to a guy who goes to my school haha, clean cut,igbo, sort of vertically challenged lol...more about that later...


Model scout event: This event was something I been 'gyming' for for weeks, lifting,treadmillin, alla that..in the usual 'damsel' fashion, I eventually slacked off and had to wear those body slimmers underneath to look just a tad bit trim *hides face* lol it was a success though, they want more pictures, so I'm excited to see where this will go!!


Jet setting: I got the green light haha, so I finally got my ECOWAS passport ( thanks to my mom pulling some strings) I'll be in Nigeria in December, this time its for sure ( I know some yall are like 'yea right'...but like 5 of my cousins are getting married so I am basically being pressured to go lol) so if any bloggers are in Nigeria or will be in there , let me know, lets set somethin up, this could be fun *wink

I'm, also tryna get the green light to go to London (either that or Ghana/UAE) to study abroad, all my UK ppl, una know the deal na :)

New addition: My uncle's wife just had a baby, his first kid! so great, this means when the kid is 20 i'll be 40...does anyone ever think of me before they have kids? hahah, I'm playin...


Christ: A lot has happened since I last blogged. My relationship w/Christ and my understanding in general about what Christianity is really about has truly deepened, anybody who follows me on twitter would have noticed. Its a great feelin, and its like nothing is really worth our salvation.


Elections : I've been following the elections in Nigeria, not looking good for the others huh?



Oh and about the wedding, haha make una ready o, colors na lilac and peach ;-)


So nothing much has happened, atleast nothing major, just thought I'd update !


oh, and I got some nude polish and some orange lipstick (sounds crazy but it looks gorgeous!!) Lately I've developed a nail polish/lipstick addiction !

Stay blessed!

TD

A new direction

I been gone for a minute but i'm back now *bbm dance*. I got lots in store for the new year ( happy new year btw)  I'm  taking my blog to a whole new direction/level, I guess you guys can attribute that to me not being the same person since I last blogged!! I'm excited about it, I simply can't wait! :-)

stay tuned & stay blessed,

TD

Just when I was feeling sorry for myself, I realized that life really is too short to be feeling sorry about anything. Brain aneurysms are scary. Two of my family friends have survived them, and only just slightly. It was yesterday that I realized that waking up in the morning is never guaranteed. One of my family friend's would not have  survived had she not been out that night, the doctor said she would  have been dead had she went back to her house and went to sleep. That's how sneaky death is and you know,God has really been good to us even in the moments where we don't even deserve it. I was online yesterday, on alopecia world, and there was a story about a  little 10 year old girl who regrew all her hair using Chinese medicine. I was excited, because maybe this was an answer to my prayer, but then it hit me : I should pray for acceptance and inner peace with myself, not for hair.


TD.

Brain drain

 The brain drain ( particularly in Africa) is a BIG  problem. I remember reading somewhere that in 1995, there were more Nigerian doctors and nurses in the US then the WHOLE Nigeria! That is seriously some crazy stuff right there. Nigeria,Ethipia,South Africa, and Ghana are Africa's biggest exports to countries like the United States, West Germany, UK, and Australia. There are about 20 million Nigerians outside of Nigeria and about 1 million Nigerians in the US. 64% of foreign born Nigerians ages 25+ hold a bachelors degree. Many never return to their home country. I can't say that I blame them though, (despite the fact that I'm not familiar with the conditions in which Nigeria/Africa is under, I haven't been there to experience it). For the bloggers who are currently in college maybe in Canada, UK or the US: do you plan on staying there and getting a job? or are you relocating to Nigeria? For the bloggers who have gotten their education in the US/UK/Canada and have remained in your respective 'adoptive' countries: what made you stay? and do you have plans on returning home?




Heres an excerpt from an interview with Emeagwali:


What are the social impact of brain drain?


EMEAGWALI:

Brain drain makes it difficult to create a middle class consisting of doctors, engineers and other professionals. We have a two class African society: a massive underclass that is largely unemployed and very poor people and a few very rich people that are mostly corrupt military and government officials.

Brain drain gives rise to poor leadership and corruption. A large educated middle class will ensure that political power is transferred by ballots instead of by bullets.

When the medical doctors emigrate to the United States, the poor are forced to seek medical treatment from traditional healers while the elite fly to London for their routine medical checkups.

Nigerian government officials are using tax payer's money to travel abroad for routine medical check-ups and malarial treatment. Overseas medical check-ups is a national disgrace and banning it would force Nigeria to re-hire those medical doctors that emigrated to Europe.

 Do Africans who leave their home countries to study and work have an obligation to return and share the benefits of their education?


EMEAGWALI: 

In theory, we are morally obliged to return to Africa. In reality, an African professional will not resign from his $50,000 a year job to accept a $500 a year job in Africa. A more meaningful question will be to ask: What measures can be taken to entice Africans leaving abroad to return home and what can be done to discourage those professionals in Africa to remain in Africa.

          Five Possible Solutions to curve the brain drain:

             1.Good governance at the national and international level, especially maintenance of reasonable

               security for peoples' lives and property is essential for economic progress, Thus withholding

               political and economical emigrants, who blame their governement's failure for political unrest

               and stagnant economic growth is possible. Transparency in leadership is essential and should

               be maintained.

             2.Offering higher wages for `insiders` according to their qualifications is essential, instead of over

               estimating and hiring expatrates, which are more costly.

             3.Education plays a powerful role especially in the growing problems of international migration.

               Therefore, offering these individuals the necessariy education qualifications in their home

               countries, and expanding a better educational infrasturcture may definitely prevent emigrants

               who are seeking a higher education abroad.

             4.Seeking alternative measures for return of warranty from the beneficiaries, such as the

               withholding of academic degrees until the graduates return and are willing to serve the people,

               may be another considerable alternative.

             5.The last alternative measure could be, taxing emigrants who are indigenously trained in home

               countries. This is indeed a sensitive issue and may sound absurd, and may potentially infringe

               on the basic human right and freedom to chose the nature and location of individuals where to

               live and where to work. Thus, it must be agreed upon the international community and

               international laws.

             6.Since richer African States are also the stakeholders of this so called brain drain, a deal must

               be made between rich and poor states of the continent that prohibits the later from taking

               intellectuals of the poorer states.

               http://chora.virtualave.net/brain-drain7.htm

Inspiration

I been struggling lately to accept the fact that I'm hairless. I've been getting strange looks, and inquiries about my 'hair wig. I feel like I need to break free and just be me, so sometimes I wear scarves, the ladies above are beautiful even with short cropped hair.

Photos:Kwesi Abbensetts

Ambition

I've neglected my blog, but for good reasons. I had school work, mid-terms and lots of thinking to do.
I missed blogging though. If I was blogging regularly I would have blogged about Nigeria's 50th independence and how I celebrated ( my Oct.1st was completely horrible btw) but I was in ny for the parade but I didn't go clubbing ( so much eye candy* wink*) but my new thing is " leave every cute man alone where you found him until he approaches you and when he does check his references with the holy spirit". Its been working so far, but then again the way I carry myself these days won't attract such a man lol. I'm pretty casual about what I wear these days and how I wear my hair, errr wig. Dc has been great, it definitely has problems with poverty and rats, which every city in America is struggling with I guess.  I've joined clubs,made a few more friends,ignored a few,dropped some, yea you know the whole spiel. Since I've been in dc I've really been struggling with something I never thought I would struggle with: my identity. For those of you who don't know, I'm an American born Nigerian. For some reason I'm feeling like the other Nigerian students (some are exchange/international students) treat me very different as if I'm not even one of them. For weeks, I was finding it hard to comprehend, but now I've come to the a conclusion that I've been denying for quite some time. We are inexplicably different. I mean the Nigerians born and raised in the US and the ones raised in Nigeria. We act differently, we speak differently(obviously) our mannerisms are different. We are just different. I'm ok with that and I fully understand how/why we are so different. I don't have to become best 'buddies' with someone for the simple fact that they are Nigerian, and a Nigerian guy who I met in the library made me fully aware of this when he started off our 'convo' like this: him: are you african? me:yes him: Nigerian? me: yes--him: have u been making an effort to meet other Nigerians on campus? me: no, its not really my priority right now--him: wow, I've never met a Nigeria that would say that me: *silent* him: so do you hang out with the 'whites'? --me: umm no---him: ok, well when you see me around campus say hi, because I always see you and you just walk by me, I knew you  must be a nigerian, cuz thats nija babe behavior'. Wow, I never knew I had 'Naija babe' behavior. But anyway point is, I'm friendly to those who are friendly to me. If your not friendly, I usually just ignore you. Its a terrible way to go about things, I know! I'm trying to change really I am!


I'm kind of feeling like a 29 year old thats turning 30, like I'm running out of time to do my last minute-life changing thing.Almost like I'm rushing to the alter *laughs* Like I'm feeling wayyyy out of my element. I feel like ok here I am, a 20 year old college student, with the world as my oyster, yet I feel like something is missing, like I haven't really accomplished much in my 20 years on earth. When you go to a university where juniors are working full time on capitol hill or at the White House as Obama's activity coordinator, then you might have an inkling about how I feel. I'm trying to really take advantage of the opportunities that my school has to offer. I mean my school is KNOWN for the crazy/incredible internships/jobs that students land ( some students get internships in their freshman year) and also the study abroad programs. I'm trying to do so many things at once, my mind is always thinking of a new idea, I'm constantly writing mental notes in my head about something, and I KNOW that using a job at the white house as my measuring stick is just ridiculous, but forgive me, I can't help it. I know I'm ambitious, I just don't know how to make my ambitions reality. I talk more than I do, I write more about what I want to do more than I act on it.

I gotta admit, thinking/writing about my goals,hopes and dreams is just not cutting the cake anymore. I need to make moves! I need to get more ambitious and get to work.

Have a wonderful week ahead!


RIP to The Cunning Linguist. The talented ones always leave us so soon.
shouts out 2 kilishi.e-hugs*. You'll be ok!